About Me

I'm 22, I developed Anorexia when I was 14. The year I had two deaths in the family, both grandmoms in the hospital, my sister in the hospital and my dad left. Before I found my ED though I was engaging in self harm. When I was little I had a rough time. My father is a violent alcoholic, my sister also had an eating disorder and my mom was a control freak. My father mainly hit me with belts and mom hit my sister. (and my mom says they divorced because he was violent...which happened when I was 4-so i missed out on experiencing my parenst being together). My mom had an affair and I don't even know who my real father is. But my mom has always tried pushing me to call her boyfriend "Dad". Anyway, I was teased for a speech problem, and once I fixed it, I lost my identity, and I freaked out and became obsessed with my school work. I put a lot of pressure on myself to have the perfect grades but that just didn't seem like enough for me. So I began restricting my food, eating only one meal a day. My school was getting concerned about my weight loss, and I had to eat lunch with the teachers and get weighed every Thursday, still losing weight they decided to call my mom. I went home that night, knowing that i needed to convince her that I was okay. Somehow, it worked, even though she caught me being sick from eating half of a plain bagel. The rest of high school is a blur,all I remember is working on school work, working, restricting, exercising, taking laxatives, cutting counting calories, and being obsessed with my weight. I started college and they offered a free gym so I began working out 7 hours a day. While not eating for 4 days at a time, and when I did I would make myself throw up. Concerns from others was all I heard, and I finally admitted to what I was doing and began seeing a therapist. Within a short time, she recommended an inpatient center. I went but was kicked out after a month for not being cooperative. The time I returned home, I was in and out of hospitals for throwing up blood, having seizures, heart problems, and low blood levels where I needed to get iv infusions. Finally, my mom couldn't deal with it any longer and put me in another treatment center. I was there for 4 months. I didn't do well in the beginning but found out what I needed to do to get back home. So trying to get out of a wheelchair and get rid of the feeding tube I worked on it. Through anytime I saw a weight gain I slipped. The center thought I was okay to go back home, when I was still thinking "I can go home and lose everything again", the day I went home is the day my plan began to take place. It's been almost a year since then and the same thing has been happening, in and out of treatment centers and hospitals. Many feeding tubes, many going back and forth....the only thing that changed was my mom took medical guardianship over me. Meaning I can't make my own decisions to go or not when it comes to my health. I'm 21 and I am suppose to be a 3rd yr college student, but I only have one year behind me since I've haven't lived at my home for over a year now.