"Invisible"

This word hits home with me lately. I feel invisible. Nobody sees or hears me because im just a nobody. I am just taking up space that no one else cares to recognize. I realize that I have these feelings because of the drama going on lately. The fact that my dad doesnt seem to know that I exist, but it's spreading. It's like a virus because my sister was up for a week and completely ignored me, when before she talked to my dad, we talked everyday. Then trying to find my voice and not one person seems to hear me. I could be in the center of the room screaming and everyone will still talk over me. Or flat out not care what I think, feel, do, say.

I know im not important. I am a nobody. I have not done anything with my life. I have accepted it, it would just be nice to not feel so transparent.

I am not depressed at the moment, but  I can honestly say  if  I were to die tonight that not one person would notice. I have shut myself out of the world, in fear of more rejection. I have backed away from people I once talked to everyday. I don't hear from anyone anymore, unless I contact them. It's not a great feeling...to feel like nobody wants to bother with you to check in once in a while. To always take the responsibility and do it yourself so you aren't completely forgotten.

The sad thing (I have been working on this in therapy not quite there yet so bare with me), I feel like the only time people notice me is when  I have done something wrong or when  I am sick. Like I knew my dad knew I was around when he would throw a punch, give a kick, etc. Also being sick...everyone is so concerned when I am sick and when I am doing okay I don't hear from them. Period, not even asked how my day was. Which is why it is soooo hard to let go of my eating disorder. I am already faded without ed, I will be completely disappeared.