"Power"

Power is another thing that can be good and bad. If used in the right way it can be great; however, I only have the bad experiences...

The two things I think of is my dad, and my eating disorder.

My dad...he has complete power over me. He could say something and I would be lost for days. Lost in my misery, my own miserable little world trying to find a way out, trying to find a way to handle it, and the only thing is my eating disorder. He has more power over me than one.  I have seen him standing over me, beaten on the ground, unable to move, to breath because of the never ending pain. How defeated he makes me feel. What I say or don't say in fear of upsetting him, causing his volcano to erupt. Scared all the time, even when he isn't around. Scared to do anything about it because it is your father and you love him, and despite his actions you know he is a kind person deep down and you would be able to see it if you were just good enough. The control he has for me to lie and hide from him/for him. The control he has to mold me into this completely other person who I should be.

My eating disorder...I would like to think I have power of it, but locially I know I don't. I know that if I act out then theres not point in stopping me, rather trying to stop me. But in the same sense if I dont act out that one time I feel like I am in control. Its that one time that send me spiraling back down. Not being able to get back up until I hit a new bottom.