Inspirational Journal-Week 26

Something positive about myself

This one is actually very hard...

The only thing I can say is how much I am devoted to help others. I have stayed up all night with friend who was sucidal (which did end up with me calling the cops). I had stayed up all night with people who just needed a listening ear. If someone says they need someone I am there. I am the type of person who will drop everything that is going on to help someone else. I was in treatment and a few girls attacked another girl for being in her eating disorder. its like umm she is in treatment for it. I was the one who was by her side. I was the one who rubbed her back when she cried. I had another close friend in treatment and I was able to bring her back to reality. She was have an hulliucation and I was able to bring her back. I always want to help others. I will stop and give strangers change or food if I have it. I volunteered at food banks, several times. I went on raising awareness walks. I went door to door asking for donations. I taught my cousin the 123's the abc's and body parts. I saved my nanna from choking... well I was the one who noticed and got someone to help her. Of course everyone was drunk and playing guitar hero that they didn't notice my screaming so I had to grab my dad's guitar for him to pay attention. But I did everything I possibly could to help. Whether it's emotionally, mentally,  or physically, I find ways to be there for someone else.

 I want to get better so I can go to schools and give lectures on eating disorders. I want anyone who feels alone feel that it is okay to talk to me, whether they know me in person or not. I want to finish my degree and become a therapist. I want to be the therapist who doesn't say "I have guidelines you can't text or call me" I want to be the type of therapist who reallllly cares about the person and not the money who tells their clients if you need it," if you need to vent about anything you can contact me"

I am the person that anyone can lean on, no matter what it is, no matter what I have going on, I know I can be someone who is there. I might not help, but  I can always listen. Always, no excuses. I know how it feels to be screaming in room full of people and nobody noticing. I am the one who notices.

Inspirational Journal-Week 25

Something I am proud of.

My education. I worked my ass off in school. It was the one thing that I ever felt like  I was good at. It was like an accomplishment. It was okay that I stayed up all night and studied for weeks when I saw my test results. When I received awards in class and out of class. In 8th grade I got a "Cottone's coupon" which is my teacher last name and it was like a ticket to get out of doing homework...which  I never used so I saved them up for extra credit, making my grade in that class a 103. People in science always wanting to partner up with me, because they knew  I would get a good grade, and because I would take over. lol. I remember my science teacher asking me if  I could tutor. I remember getting awards for science, mainly in front of the entire school. I remember getting accepted into every college I applied to. Paying only $9 a semester at Penn State.

It's the one thing I was ever proud of. That I felt good enough in. But that feeling is lessening when people question my intelligence and make me feel stupid. And the fact that I have been on medical leave from school for almost 3 years now. I know my knowledge is not all there anymore. Honestly, I remember studying my butt of but after the test or the project or assignment, I don't know if that information stuck with me...I guess we will find out when I eventually go back...which I am going to make that happen