Right now, I feel like I am on a teeter totter. You move slightly and it turns different directions. You need balance to stay still. I feel like I will never get that balance. I will always be up or I will always be down. Lately, I've been down. I am restricting a lot. I am isolating. but then I have moments when I am up....
moments when I reach out for support like Thursday I text my nutritionist to help me get through not purging. I have been calling my sponsor again everyday. I am making all my appointments it's just a matter of listening to what they tell me to do.
It's always all or nothing for me. Black and white. Either in recovery or in ed. But it HAS to be perfect you can't be in recovery and still restrict and just stop purging.
There is nothing there that is giving me balance. I just can't seem to find that little thing in life that makes everything stay still , where you dont lean one way and just pumplet that direction. When it is there, it only last for a split second.
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